1400: baby is four hours past normal nap time and showing signs of impending doom.
1401: mom is desperate for baby to sleep.
1403: mom is considering hitting the nog early tonight.
1415: mom attempts to put baby to sleep in the good ol’swing.
1417: good ol’swing fails mom.
1418: mom thinks baby must be hungry as all other measures have failed.
1419: baby thinks the bottle is the devil.
1420: baby thinks the soother is the devil’s brother.
1430: mom is visualizing that glass of rum – I mean nog.
1431: mom decides to put baby down in the crib.
1434: crib decides to avert said nap time by intentionally stubbing all the toes on mom’s right foot.
1434 1/2: baby is unimpressed and has now entered the meltdown zone.
1436: mom pulls herself together long enough to put baby in crib then hop around the room like a baboon until her toes stop throbbing.
1438: baby decides bottle is actually not the devil but a rather good idea.
1439: mom says a prayer to the bottle gods.
1449: baby is finally asleep, well into his milk coma and mom is now tip toeing, or rather left footing out of the room while favoring the tender tootsies on her right foot.
1452: nog is out.
1453: SOMEONE knocks on the door.
1454: mom has cursed every inanimate and animate object in the home as she hobbles with speed to the front door to stop the constant knocking.
1455: no one is there because they are at the back door.
1456: mom curses the innocent loaf of bread that happened to be in her line of sight when she realized she was at the wrong door.
1457: the bread loaf feels betrayed.
1458: the knocking continues.
1459: target in sight, mom throws the door open to see two solicitors walking away ‘shaking’ their heads.
1500: solicitors turn around just in time to see the look of death from mom. Solicitors hold up a sign for the local children’s hospital hoping to use guilt to remedy the ridiculous amount of knocking.
1501: solicitors quickly realize that mom is unimpressed and make a face at her and walk away. Solicitors don’t realize that MOM is a paramedic who is highly involved with that local hospital, not only with patient care but with donations.
1502: mom shuts the door, feeling grouchy, and hobbles upstairs to the now irate baby.
1525: baby is not sleeping and refuses to nap.
***** fast forward four hours *****
1825: baby bathed, bottled and finally asleep.
1900: SOMEONE IS KNOCKING ON THE DOOR, again.
1901: mom runs to the door with full capacity as dogs are now barking again and baby is stirring, again.
1902: mom delivers a *forced* polite yet stern message to said solicitors that they have now been at her home twice, made her dogs bark twice and have woken up the baby now, TWICE.
1903: solicitors claim it is the complexity of the neighborhood that has made them knock twice.
1904: mom considers knocking something…
1907: mom consoles baby until baby is asleep then goes to her now room temperature nog.
1918: doors knocks again – however mom forgot husband was out for a run and has locked him out.
1918: dogs are barking
1919: mom gives up